The Preschool Christmas Program {a Mommy Fail and a Second Chance}

As we left M’s Christmas program, we all talked about K’s upcoming program and how excited we were to see her up on the stage singing with her little school friends. We could tell she was feeling like a big girl. I was sure her program was the following week, probably the last day of school before Christmas break. I knew the preschool would be sending a reminder home a week or so beforehand.

The next day, Wednesday, I was getting ready to leave the office to grab lunch with a few of my co-workers. As I was waiting for our group to gather, I clicked on Facebook on my phone. This picture was at the top of my newsfeed!!!!

GASP!!! See the little girl in the faded, purple hand-me-down play clothes standing in the middle of all of the other children in their holiday finest? Oh. My. Word! That’s K performing in her preschool’s Christmas program.

I thought of her looking out into the audience and not seeing us. I worried about her noticing that she was the only little girl not wearing tights and fancy shoes. This was a colossal mommy fail! I imagined what the tennis skirt moms must be thinking about me now. I called D in a panic. D and his dad have been tag-teaming the preschool drop-off and pick-up. Apparently the flyer with all the program details was sent home the week before—and was floating around in D or his dad’s car! But it was too late now to worry about the details or tracking that paper down. D and I both rushed to the school hoping to catch the end of the program. I was so upset.

There were hardly any cars in the parking lot when we pulled in. It was clear that we’d completely missed the program. I felt terrible and was consumed by a major wave of working mommy guilt. I took it out on D. “ You should have been more responsible with her school papers! Didn’t you notice that she was the only one not dressed up this morning? Didn’t they say anything like ‘See you at the program’ when you dropped her off this morning?” Poor guy. He is such a hands-on daddy and does so much to help with our girls. And he has a lot of other stuff on his plate right now, too. He honestly hadn’t noticed the signs posted on every door of the preschool that we passed as we made our way to the gym where K’s class was playing. I’m pretty sure I apologized to D later, but typing up this post is reminding me to make sure.

K caught sight of us and ran up and hugged us. As we hugged, I pulled the picture of her class up on my phone. “Look at you up on the stage in your show!” I exclaimed as I choked back tears. She gave me a kiss and smiled at the picture and ran back off to play with her friends. Her teachers told us she did a great job and sang her little heart out. She apparently didn’t realize we weren’t in the audience. And she apparently didn’t mind that she wasn’t all dressed up. But being there was important to ME. And I’d missed it.

The preschool director walked over to us as we stood in the gym. She’d seen our panicked faces as we ran in. “You know, the Tuesday-Thursday and five-morning kids (K only goes to preschool three mornings a week) will be putting on the same program again tomorrow. Why don’t you bring K and just let her do the program again with them?” she offered. “We’ll just consider today’s program a dress rehearsal and you won’t have to be upset about missing it.” Wow. A second chance! What a blessing!

As we were getting ready for bed that night, I told K how excited I was about her show. “I didn’t see you this morning” she told me. “Well, tomorrow, we’ll stand up and wave at you. Daddy and Mama will be there. You’ll see us.”

And we were. I stood in the back and waved and sang along. D knelt on the floor in the front taking video. Even Pa was there. It was such a precious little program.

Here are some excerpts:

Lately I’ve been asking myself how I think I’m going to have it together with five children when I often feel like I’m struggling to stay on top of things with three. I expect a lot from myself and really do a lot of juggling. And while I do my best, I also know that, unfortunately, despite my good intentions and best efforts, sometimes I’m going to drop the ball. And I won’t always get the mercy of a do-over. And I’ll want to beat myself up for it! And I’m sure there’ll be people who shake their heads at me and wonder what I’m thinking trying to raise so many kids and have a career and be involved in charitable activities in my community and all around the world. Thankfully, I’m not accountable to them, but the Lord who has called me to this. He’s given me more responsibilities than I ever thought I’d have, but he’s also blessed me more abundantly than I ever imagined. And I’m also accountable to my children and my husband. I love them so much and want to be the best wife and mommy and example to them that I can be. But I know I’m going to disappoint them and let them down from time to time. Darn it. I’ve tried to be intentional in grace-based parenting this year. Hopefully, I’ll succeed in raising children who are willing to extend Mama some grace every now and then—I’m gonna need it! I love my life and am so thankful God picked me—despite all my fears and failures and quirks—to live this adventure with these children I love so dearly.