Reflections of a Wife of a Minivan-Driving Man

A few years ago, D and I pulled out of the Sarasota Lexus dealership in his new little sportscar. Before we even got to the interstate, a car full of cute college-aged girls pulled up next to us, rolled down their window and flirtatiously told my husband they liked his car. With me sitting right there next to him in the passenger seat! To this day, I wonder if the dealership hired them to do that. I can’t think of a better way to boost the ego of a guy who just spent way too much money on a car.

Fast forward to July 2011, when we determined it was time for D to get a new vehicle. This time around, impressing clients, looking flashy and having lots of horsepower weren’t on the list of criteria. Our family has grown and our priorities have changed. We’re trying to be smarter with our money, saving for another adoption, wanting to be more generous in our giving to charity, and aiming to be completely debt-free in 5 years. We decided to look for something gently used, with low mileage, that didn’t drink too much gas, that was within our budget (which everyone kept telling us was crazily low), and that would give us two vehicles to use for transporting our girls (D often does the drop-offs and pick-ups and enjoys taking the girls on outings).

We did our research, prayed about the decision and then . . . the “Golden Lightning” (as Miss M has nicknamed it) popped up in the Auto Trader listings. While it satisfied our criteria to a tee, the purchase was not without a bit of reluctance on D’s part. He's always had more style than me and been more of a "car person". But from a practical standpoint, it made sense to have two vans. His and Hers. Our good friend who is an expert Dodge mechanic (ironically, he specializes in Vipers and other Dodge racing cars) put the icing on the cake when he told us he can keep this model of van running for 300,000 miles or until our family outgrows it (at which time, I guess we’ll both upgrade to 12-passenger airport shuttle vans)—whichever comes first. Wow!

And so the purchase was made.



You know those stories about people feeling trapped in the wrong body? Well, I’m afraid my husband might feel a bit trapped in the wrong car! I will concede that minivans are not the most stylish vehicles on the road. Why does it seem their designers are going for a rocket or monorail look? I imagine many men might be a bit embarrassed, resentful or put-out about driving a frumpy gold soccer mom van sensible vehicle like the Golden Lightning. But D is taking it all in stride and having fun with it. He’s being such a good sport, and I think that says a lot about his character. He’s embracing his Dad Life. And I love it! (scroll down and pause (II) the background music before playing the video).

Are there really women out there who want any other kind of man?

Last night, I happened to spot D's van as we were all making our way home. I caught up (hey, Miss M didn’t nickname my van the “Silver Bullet Train” for nothin’!) and pulled up alongside them at a red light. D and I rolled down our windows and I told him how much I like his van and how HOT I think he looks driving it. Now, I’m not sure a middle-aged woman in a minivan--weary from a full day of work and an evening sweating away at the Junior League warehouse--has the same effect on the male ego as a convertible full of cute co-eds, but I can say that what I told him was sincere. I am madly in love with my husband’s heart. His dashing good looks are a bonus! Not every man can pull off a minivan, but my husband rocks it!

Every day, I see men looking for affirmation from their careers, their hobbies, their fancy cars and toys, their friends instead of their families and sadly, women other than their wives. I am blessed to be married to a man who stands on God’s Word, puts others before himself, is a good steward of our money, leads our family in faith, is intentional in his parenting, doesn’t take himself too seriously, loves me dearly and, in defining happiness, looks no further than the three precious faces in the back seats of his minivan.

Referral-versary!

Two years ago today. . .

(scroll down and pause (II) the background music before playing the video)

A Visit from Guest Blogger Sarah Lenssen! Ask5for5!

Guest Blogger: Sarah Lenssen from Ask5for5
Family photos by Mike Fiechtner Photography

Thank you Mrs. B from "This is the Life!" and nearly 150 other bloggers from around the world for allowing me to share a story with you today, during Social Media Week.

A hungry child in East Africa can't wait. Her hunger consumes her while we decide if we'll respond and save her life. In Somalia, children are stumbling along for days, even weeks, on dangerous roads and with empty stomachs in search of food and water. Their crops failed for the third year in a row. All their animals died. They lost everything. Thousands are dying along the road before they find help in refugee camps.

At my house, when my three children are hungry, they wait minutes for food, maybe an hour if dinner is approaching. Children affected by the food crisis in Ethiopia, Kenya, and Somalia aren't so lucky. Did you know that the worst drought in 60 years is ravaging whole countries right now, as you read this? Famine, a term not used lightly, has been declared in Somalia. This is the world's first famine in 20 years.12.4 million people are in need of emergency assistance and over 29,000 children have died in the last three months alone. A child is dying every 5 minutes. It it estimated that 750,000 people could die before this famine is over. Take a moment and let that settle in.

The media plays a major role in disasters. They have the power to draw the attention of society to respond--or not. Unfortunately, this horrific disaster has become merely a footnote in most national media outlets. News of the U.S. national debt squabble and the latest celebrity's baby bump dominate headlines. That is why I am thrilled that nearly 150 bloggers from all over the world are joining together today to use the power of social media to make their own headlines; to share the urgent need of the almost forgotten with their blog readers. Humans have the capacity to care deeply for those who are suffering, but in a situation like this when the numbers are too huge to grasp and the people so far away, we often feel like the little we can do will be a drop in the ocean, and don't do anything at all.


When news of the famine first hit the news in late July, I selfishly avoided it. I didn't want to read about it or hear about it because I knew I would feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. I wanted to protect myself. I knew I would need to do something if I knew what was really happening. You see, this food crisis is personal. I have a 4-year-old son and a 1 yr-old daughter who were adopted from Ethiopia and born in regions now affected by the drought. If my children still lived in their home villages, they would be two of the 12.4 million. My children: extremely hungry and malnourished? Gulp. I think any one of us would do anything we could for our hungry child. But would you do something for another mother's hungry child?


My friend and World Vision staffer, Jon Warren, was recently in Dadaab Refugee Camp in Kenya--the largest refugee camp in the world with over 400,000 people. He told me the story of Isnino Siyat, 22, a mother who walked for 10 days and nights with her husband, 1 yr-old-baby, Suleiman, and 4 yr.-old son Adan Hussein, fleeing the drought in Somalia. When she arrived at Dadaab, she built the family a shelter with borrowed materials while carrying her baby on her back. Even her dress is borrowed. As she sat in the shelter on her second night in camp she told Jon, "I left because of hunger. It is a very horrible drought which finished both our livestock and our farm." The family lost their 5 cows and 10 goats one by one over 3 months, as grazing lands dried up. "We don't have enough food now...our food is finished. I am really worried about the future of my children and myself if the situation continues."


Will you help a child like Baby Suleiman? Ask5for5 is a dream built upon the belief that you will.

That something I knew I would need to do became a campaign called #Ask5for5 to raise awareness and funds for famine and drought victims. The concept is simple, give $5 and ask five of your friends to give $5, and then they each ask five of their friends to give $5 and so on--in nine generations of 5x5x5...we could raise $2.4 Million! In one month, over 750 people have donated over $25,000! I set up a fundraiser at See Your Impact and 100% of the funds will go to World Vision, an organization that has been fighting hunger in the Horn of Africa for decades and will continue long after this famine has ended. Donations can multiply up to 5 times in impact by government grants to help provide emergency food, clean water, agricultural support, healthcare, and other vital assistance to children and families suffering in the Horn.

I need you to help me save lives.
It's so so simple; here's what you need to do:
1.Donate $5 or more on this page
2.Send an email to your friends and ask them to join us.
3.Share #Ask5for5 on Facebook and Twitter!

A hungry child doesn't wait. She doesn't wait for us to finish the other things on our to-do list, or get to it next month when we might have a little more money to give. She doesn't wait for us to decide if she's important enough to deserve a response. She will only wait as long as her weakened little body will hold on...please respond now and help save her life. Ask 5 for 5.

Thank you on behalf of all of those who will be helped--you are saving lives and changing history.

p.s. Please don't move on to the next website before you donate and email your friends right now. It only takes 5 minutes and just $5, and if you're life is busy like mine, you probably won't get back to it later. Let's not be a generation that ignores hundreds of thousands of starving people, instead let's leave a legacy of compassion. You have the opportunity to save a life today!

Nshima, Beans and Other Things (Zambia Journal: Part 4, and more)

Wiphan’s feeding program provides Wiphan students with one meal on every school day. It's a huge benefit to being enrolled at the school.

The children who attend school in the morning eat after their classes; the children who attend school in the afternoon eat before their classes. I was hanging out at the Mapalo campus one morning when the afternoon bunch started showing up. Their green uniforms and black shoes distinguish them as Wiphan kids from the tens of other children who are not able to attend school but who spend their days playing around the schoolyard. Little friends engaged in conversation. Girls formed a circle to play hand games. A few boys kicked around a soccer ball made of plastic bags and twine.

When it was time for lunch, a teacher rounded up the students and they ran to the school building and formed a line in front of the big pots of nshima (pronounced shee-mah) and beans, digging their bowls or plates out of their bookbags or plastic grocery bags that many of them were using for bookbags.

Scoops of nshima and spoonfuls of beans were dished into their bowls and the children found places to sit and eat amongst their classmates. The servings looked big, much bigger than what I would put on my girls’ plates. But there were no leftovers. For many of these children, this is their ONLY meal of the day.

Before heading to their classrooms, the children walk over to the community well situated on the campus to rinse off their plates so they will be ready for the next day's meal.

The little girl pictured above is G, one of our family’s sponsored children. I watched her and the other Wiphan kids at the Sinia campus line up to eat one day. One of G’s little friends realized that she’d forgotten her bowl. I watched G ask for a little extra and explain that she was sharing with her friend. They sat down, the two bowls between them, and proceeded to bow their heads and fold their hands. G prayed. She finished her prayer with the sign of the cross. It was a such a precious moment. I was so touched by my sassy little G’s generosity in sharing with her friend. I held back tears as I observed her heartfelt thankfulness for such a simple meal. This picture reminds me of the one my parents had in our dining room of an old man praying over his bread and soup. I want to frame it as a reminder to me to give thanks for every small blessing. And to pray for G. As I sat with G and her friend, I noticed a little boy putting a handful of nshima into the hand of a non-Wiphan child who was reaching through a small hole in the wall surrounding the Sinia school buildings. Oh, if only Wiphan had funds sufficient to feed and educate every child in the compounds. There is such a need.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve been trying to be smarter about my grocery shopping and meal portioning, but it still seems every week I throw out so much spoiled fruit and uneaten leftovers. I think of the Wiphan children in their food line, the non-Wiphan kids hungrily looking on, the widow who scraped the leftovers from my dinner plate into her purse to take home to her children, and the famine happening right now in the horn of Africa. . . and I feel so guilty and wasteful and undeservingly blessed. D and I are both in that uncomfortable processing, reverse culture-shock mode. I think we’ve been putting ourselves in that mode so often over the past couple of years that it’s beginning to be our normal. It’s a frustrating place to be. I'd rather be here than oblivious or indifferent, though. Our eyes have been opened, but there’s still so many questions we have that will never be answered this side of heaven.

Our daughters are so young and innocent and live such blessed, secure and sheltered little lives. There are a lot of things that we believe they are still too tender to be exposed to unnecessarily. I am grateful that my children have thus far been untouched by the cruelty of death, disease, and starvation. I wish that all children could have childhoods as carefree and full of joy and sunshine and laughter as they do. At the same time, we want to instill in them a passion for the kingdom and for serving those less fortunate. We actively involve them in corresponding with our sponsored children and they are always interested in hearing stories and seeing pictures from our mission trips. And they are developing an awareness of poverty out of their interest in learning about the places we've been and the lives of children they feel like they "know". This picture from my Zambia trip made a big impact on both of our big girls:

They now pray regularly for “the little girl with the doll head”. With her in mind, they initiated a household donation drive and piled our pool table with some of their treasured toys they want us to send to Africa (any logistics help would be appreciated!):

Their sweet little hearts are definitely empathetic when it comes to children not having a mommy and daddy to take care of them or toys to play with.

I wanted to initiate a conversation with them about poverty and explore what the Lord is doing in their thoughts and their little hearts. I decided to make a typical Zambian meal for dinner. As we set the table, we sang "There's No One, There's No One Like Jesus", my favorite Zambian worship song. As we ate, we talked about Victoria Falls, nature and some interesting Zambian cultural tidbits and traditions. It's important to me that our girls see the beauty and appreciate the good things about Africa and that they don't grow up only seeing the negatives.

Nshima and ndiwo is a typical Zambian meal. Nshima is the Zambian staple food made of corn flour (“mealie meal”). It cooks very similar to grits, but is a finer grind and tastes like the masa part of a tamale. When done, it has the appearance of mashed potatoes, but is thick enough that bits can be broken off into your hand. Because it’s rather dry, nshima is usually served with some sort of moist or juicy side dish called ndiwo or “relish”. The most common relish is chilemba, or boiled beans. Sometimes there will also be a vegetable side dish called ifisashi, made of collard greens or another green called rape and peanut powder (for our meal, I simply used Glory brand canned mixed greens (turnip, collard and kale), which I thought were close enough and would give the children something on their plates they were familiar with). In Zambia, if it’s a special occasion, chicken or goat or other meat will be served, and maybe some fried caterpillars or termite ants on the side (For real, y’all, caterpillars! Next year, I’m gonna sample some!). While looking for recipes, I stumbled upon THIS website, which has a lot of interesting information about nshima, including the significance of nshima in Zambian culture, history and politics.

How to Make Nshima and Chilemba:

Ingredients (serves 4-6 people):
4 cups dry beans (I used pinto, you could also use light red kidney)
2 tomatoes, chopped (I used 2 small tomatoes and ½ can drained diced tomatoes)
1 white onion, chopped
1 small bag plain white cornmeal (I used approx. 3 cups)
1 tbsp. salt
2 tbsp. cooking oil
Water

Chilemba:

If you haven’t already sorted through your beans , do so and remove all halves, rocks, discolored, etc.. ones (always amazing what you find in a bag of beans!). Put 4 cups of beans in 4 quarts of water with oil and salt and bring to a boil. Boil, stirring occasionally, for about 5 hours, adding water as needed to keep from drying out or burning. Whatever you do, don't let your beans burn! After about 5 hours, when beans are about done, stir in tomato and onion.

Cook for 10 minutes, then cover and move to the beans to a back burner (they will stay warm covered) to give yourself plenty of room to make the nsima.

Nshima:

Pour 5 cups of water into a medium pot and bring to boil as you add 1 1/2 cups of cornmeal, one tablespoon at a time, while stirring continuously. Keep stirring slowly until the mixture begins to thicken (will look a little like cream of wheat), boil and bubble. Turn the heat to medium, cover the pot, and let simmer for 3 to 5 minutes. Cautiously remove the lid. Slowly, a little at a time, pour into the pot the other 1/2 cup of corn meal and briskly stir until smooth and thick. Stir vigorously and continuously, adding more cornmeal to thicken.

I got to observe the Mapalo campus “lunch lady” making nshima one morning. She cooked in big pots over an open flame and used what looked like a wooden oar to stir. It takes 2-3 hours of stirring to cook a pot of nshima big enough to serve all of the Wiphan students.

It’s hard work, but she made it look easy:

Then she offered to let me have a try. I put all of my weight into my stirring motion; the nshima was so thick that it nearly lifted me off the ground! Everyone got a good laugh.

Ahh. . . this pot is MUCH easier to stir but still a lot of work!

As the nshima cooks, sprinkle a little more corn meal until desired thickness is obtained. The nshima should be very thick (no liquid remaining) and smooth (no lumps). Cover, turn the heat off and let the nshima sit on the stove for another 2 to 3 minutes. Serve hot.

With clean hands, tear bits of nshima off and use them to scoop up the ndiwo. Yum!

We’re trying to teach them to be adventurous eaters—often encouraging them with “if you want to go to Africa, you need to be willing to try new foods.” Miss K and Miss A were both sports and took bites of everything, but then requested a banana and an orange, respectively, to round out their meals. Miss M cleaned her plate and announced “Well, I’m one meal closer to going to Africa!”

As we ate our Zambian meal, our conversation turned to our sponsored Wiphan kids, G and C. What their lives are like and how Wiphan is helping them. We talked about all of the children in the compounds that are not able to attend school and who don’t get the one meal a day that the Wiphan students get, and what has to happen for Wiphan to be able to serve those children, too. We talked about our sponsored Compassion kids, E, A and T. We talked about James 1:27 and what it means to visit widows and orphans. And what our family can do to put James 1:27 in action—in Ethiopia, Kenya, Rwanda, Zambia, Haiti, and in Lakeland, Florida and wherever else God might lead us.

It was a fun dinner and a beautiful conversation. I love how my girls feel personally invested in the projects and organizations D and I are involved with. I love their excitement about new cultures and new people and how they care for and feel connected with children all over the globe. And I love their compassionate hearts and enthusiastic desire to serve others and change their world. I love that they are willing to part with their beloved toys and that they want us to adopt again so that an orphan can have a family. I pray that I will learn not to cling too tightly to things of this world, money or dreams of my own but always have an open heart and a willingness to go where the Lord tells me to go and do what the Lord tells me to do. I pray that the enormity of poverty and the orphan crisis never makes me cynical or complacent and that God will instill in me a pure and simple desire like my girls have to do what I can do. They inspire me and make me hopeful for the future.

As you all know, this is a time of terrible famine in the Horn of Africa, a region that includes Miss K's birthplace of Ethiopia. This has been something at the forefront of our minds and our prayers over the past few months. My cousin D is there right now, on the border of Somalia and Ethiopia, and he is witnessing some pretty horrible stuff. Anyone who grew up with me remembers the Ethiopian famine of the 80's. Well, this one is even worse. This is the worst famine in 60 years. Mothers should never have to watch their children die, much less to watch them starve to death and have to leave their precious bodies alongside a dusty road. It’s so unfair and unjust and everyone should be doing something, whatever they can, to help. And if we all do a little, together we can do a lot. Tomorrow, I’m going to have a guest blogger here to share something you can do to help. I hope you’ll stop back by and participate.

Epilogue: When I finished writing this post, I read back over it and thought how weird it was to one minute be talking about feeding programs and famine and the next minute be sharing recipes and pictures of our abundant table. I think most bloggers would have broken it up into a couple of different posts, one serious, one lighthearted. I decided to leave it all in one as a pretty accurate representation of the struggle that seems to be constantly going on inside me between wanting to enjoy the blessings in my life while at the same time being so burdened for those who suffer and frustrated about all the things that are so terribly wrong with the world.

D's Trip to Haiti

A couple of weeks ago, D had the opportunity to be a part of AGCI/Embrace Missions’ first team to Haiti. It was an amazing trip for him. The team was comprised of a great group of people, including two gals who were also a part of his Rwanda team last year. In comparison to our Africa trips, it was an easy one, too—only an hour flight to Miami and then an hour fifteen flight to Haiti. D returned home with a love for a new country and a desire for our family to be involved in efforts to make a difference in the lives of orphaned children in Haiti. D was particularly inspired by Dan Jensen’s work with Faith Missions International and Gift of God Orphanage. Sadly, the Haitian adoption process is so lengthy (the 2-3 year wait from referral to visa is daunting to many prospective adoptive parents) and there is not an established domestic foster care system or adoption program in-country, that many children who would be available for adoption are raised in institutional rather than family settings. Most of the children at Gift of God are older (many lost their families as a result of flooding from Hurricane Jeanne in 2004); because their prospects of adoption are unlikely, Gift of God is operated with more of a "forever home" approach, with a goal of raising them to be educated, equipped and prepared to help make a difference in their nation. While Gift of God is one of the best children's homes in Haiti, the team also visited an "average" Haitian orphanage--a tent community for 30 kids set up in the back yard of a big house. They had a building before the earthquake but lost everything. Now the landlord is evicting them. Such a sad situation. The team was also able to assist with site preparations for a new orphanage facility being constructed by Global Orphan Hope and had the opportunity to tour Project Medishare - a full blown trauma hospital set up as a field hospital by University of Miami medical school. At the Project, nurses volunteer alongside wonderful Haitian medical professionals providing top quality care to primarily pediatric patients.

Every time D leaves to go on any trip without me, I make sure he’s armed with a battery-charged camera and I holler “take lots of pictures!” as we say our goodbyes at the concourse. But he's such a reluctant photographer, more of a savor-the-moment kind of guy. While in Haiti, he decided to take a new approach to satisfying my request. He handed off his point-and-shoot to the kids at the orphanage to “capture their lives through their eyes”. Pretty clever, huh? Well, here's a sample of the 55 pictures he returned home with:

I'm reminded of the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where Robert designed the wedding invitations. This will not, however, put an end to my requests for photos from his trips. Thankfully, several members of D's team were generous in sharing their pictures. Here are a few that probably give a better idea of the trip. Beauty amidst destruction is the best description that comes to mind:

The following article was published in the Embrace newsletter. I hope they don’t mind me dropping it into our blog, as it will save me from having to nag D for blog material (D, you lucked out this time--other people provided the trip pictures AND the re-cap!). D, by the way, is the “father of three” referenced in the article.

Haiti: 19 Months Later By Frank Betzer, Development Director, AGCI Photos: Special thanks to Faith Missions International's Gift of God Orphanage in Port au Prince, Haiti.

(August 2011) As our mission team drove through the streets of Port-au-Prince, wet and cold from the drenching rains that poured through the screened sides of our truck, a hush fell over everyone. Just moments before, we shared stories of our experiences during this all-too-brief trip to Haiti. We marveled at the beauty of terraced hillsides, steep valleys, and homes perched atop one another in the mountains outside the capital.

But as we passed by crumpled buildings and row upon row of tents, some emblazoned with "US AID" and others labeled "PRC" (People's Republic of China), we were reminded that our discomfort was only momentary. Soon, we would be back at our guest house and able to take shelter from the rain. We would put on clean, dry clothes, eat a hot meal, and sleep in a comfortable bed. We wouldn't be wondering if our few possessions would be swept away by the next rain.

The Haitian tent cities remain intact, a grim reminder that more than 600,000 Haitians still have no place to call home since the January 2010 earthquake. A tropical rainstorm had us cringing at the site of water-soaked children and adults seeking shelter amidst overflowing gutters and alleys strewn with garbage. Starvation, violence, sex trafficking, disease, and worst of all, utter hopelessness cried out to us from the acres of gray tents crammed into what is quickly becoming a permanent setting.

As one of our team members, a father of three, later expressed so movingly, "I saw myself in that place, with my little girls huddled in a tent corner trying to stay dry and I heard them whisper, 'When will Daddy make it better?'"

When will it be better? Haiti was already the poorest country in the western hemisphere; the 2010 earthquake only made it much, much worse. An estimated 10,000 NGOs (non-government organizations) work in Haiti, bringing food and water, temporary shelter, sanitation, and some degree of public safety. But life is at a level few of us would consider acceptable, except in the most dire circumstances, and then only for a few days. The children and adults of Haiti have lived in tents for 19 months.

Yet amidst the abject poverty of Haiti, we also experienced pockets of hope. At Faith Mission International's Gift of God Orphanage in Port-au-Prince, we were greeted by fifty joyful children who are well loved and cared for. They receive food and shelter, education and vocational training, and an understanding of Christ's love that is alive and evident in each of them.

We approached the orphanage loaded with expectations of teaching the children a few songs. They greeted us at the gates with melodious voices carrying off harmonies and rhythms that were full and enchanting. We brought instruments, games, crafts, and toys to teach them how to play. They showed us how to share, enjoy one another's accomplishments, and celebrate the moment with little, rather than always needing abundance. Team members came prepared to provide basic vocational information and training and were received with great appreciation; we were given a tour of the on-site bakery where the older kids learn much-needed skills and the value of work. We had prepared ourselves by learning a few words of Creole so we could tell them Jesus loves them. They told us in Creole, and some in English, that they know Jesus, and that He loves us too.

Gift of God Orphanage is one of the best orphanages in Haiti. Yet we left knowing there are things we can do to make a difference for the children. Future AGCI teams hope to provide a new outdoor kitchen to replace the two charcoal grates where all the children's meals are prepared. Team members will be asked to build a wall in the girls' dormitory and construct cubbies so that the children will have space to keep their few personal belongings. Other simple projects will emerge as we continue to visit. But mostly we will return to teach and to be taught, to share and receive, and to love and be loved.

We were also present at the beginning stages of a new orphanage in Haiti. AGCI's new board chair, Mike Anderson, a team from Global Orphan Hope, and Embrace Missions team members helped string construction lines to mark the foundation and gathered to pray over the site and its leaders. This new home is scheduled to open in 2012 and provide care for fifty infants, toddlers, and children with special needs. Everyone was moved by the magnitude of the moment—the sheer responsibility of stepping out in faith to make a difference for some of Haiti's 300,000 orphans. At least for some of the children in Haiti who wonder, "When will it be better?" the answer is soon, very soon.